September 17, 2019, 05:20:08 AM

Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 10103 times)

kenlfc1892

  • Guest
Re: Jokes
« Reply #30 on: July 03, 2008, 09:17:37 PM »
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."



mick w

  • Guest
Re: Jokes
« Reply #31 on: July 03, 2008, 09:26:07 PM »
bloke turns up at the pub driving a jag his mate asks how he got it. he said he was walking down the lane when he saw a girl in a mini-skirt leaning over the bonnet of the car.he asked if everything was ok.it turned out it was sarah harding and she was late for a photo shoot and asked if he could help.well he knew about cars and fixed it no problem.sarah harding was so gratefull she laid on the grass and took her knickers off.then said he could have anything he wanted,well he knew the knickers wouldn't fit so he took the car!.   

mick w

  • Guest
Re: Jokes
« Reply #32 on: July 03, 2008, 09:32:23 PM »
whats the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris

men will spend 15 minutes looking for a golf ball



whats this difference between m*ff diving and driving in the fog.

you can see the c**t in front of you when your m*ff diving

mick w

  • Guest
Re: Jokes
« Reply #33 on: July 12, 2008, 02:30:57 PM »
bloke goes to the doctors with a yellow penis.doctor asks him what he does for a living as he has never seen this problem before.
bloke says 'i dont work'
doctor says 'what do you do all day'
'nothing much' says the bloke 'just lay on the settee watching porno's and eating
quavers'.



wife finds an s and m book in her sons bedroom.she asks her husband what she should do.
father says 'for gods sake dont spank him'
 

Durgs

  • Guest
Re: Jokes
« Reply #34 on: July 25, 2008, 11:08:48 AM »
on a slow day for news..........

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk

 ::)

mick w

  • Guest
Re: Jokes
« Reply #35 on: July 30, 2008, 12:56:47 PM »
bloke goes to the doctors with a hearing problem.doctor asks 'what are the symptoms?'.


bloke replies, 'a yellow cartoon family on the telly.'



bloke meets an asian girl in a pub and goes back to her place.she tells him to make himself comfortable while she goes to to the bedroom to change.
she comes out naked the body of a goddess.
she says, 'i am your slave i will do anything you want.'
he says, 'i wouldn't mind a 69'
she says 'you can f**k off i'm not cooking at this time of night!'